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When you're stressed, you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
 
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Boy : My father name is laughing and my mother name is Smiling.

Teacher: YOumust be Kidding

Boy: No, thats my brother. I am joking.

 
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Teacher: What's the past participle of the verb "to ring?"
Student: What do you think, sir?
Teacher: I don't think. I KNOW.
Student: I don't think I know either, sir.
 
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

His lips are moving.
 
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"Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? "

"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
 
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Mother to daughter: "What kind of person is your new boyfriend? Is he respectable?"

"Of course he is, Mom. He's thrifty, doesn't drink or smoke, has a very nice wife and three well-behaved children."
 
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Teacher: Why your paper is blank?
Student: Sometimes silence is the best answer.
 
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Teacher: People of blood group A can only take blood from donors of “A” group blood and People of blood group B can only take blood from donors of “B” group blood. But some can accept blood from any group and who are they?
Student: (Thought for a few seconds and reply) Madam, it’s MOSQUITOES.
 
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Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.

One boy throws his bag out the window.

Teacher: who just threw that?
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
 
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Student: Wish you happy Techer’s day sir.
Sir: Who are you?
Student: I am one of your old students.
Sir: Write ‘Teacher’ ten times.
 
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Sir: Today’s topic is Photosynthesis
Student: Okay sir.
Sir: Tell me, what’s Photosynthesis?
Student: Today’s topic.
 
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Patient: Doctor, I couldn’t hear anything
Doctor: How long this problem happens?
Patient: It starts just one week ago
Doctor: Don’t worry. you are perfectly alright.
Patient: How you come to this conclusion?
Doctor: Because you answer my questions…!
 
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A Doctor and an Engineer love the same girl.
Doctor: Every day I give a rose to her
Best 15 Funny Conversations Between Doctor And PatientEngineer: But, every day I give an apple to her
Doctor: Why you give an apple to her?
Engineer: An apple a day keeps a doctor away.
Doctor: ?!?!
 
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Jack: Doctor, my wife drunk a liter of petrol. What can I do?
Doctor: Ask her to run 60Km. Then it’ll be alright.
 
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Doctor: I have some bad news and very bad news. What do you want to hear first?
Patient: Tell me the bad news first.
Doctor: Your lab report came and it said you have only 24 hours to live.
Patient: What the hell? Nothing could be worse than this news. So what is the very bad news?
Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday..!
Patient: ?!?!?!
 
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Doctor: You have a heart problem. So, throw away anything which makes you feel bad.
Patient: So, Can I throw your hospital charges bill?
Doctor: ???
 
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Wife: Doctor, my husband talking every night while he sleeping.
Doctor: You must allow him to talk at the day times.
 
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Dave: Kane, I have a bad news

Kane: Me too.

Dave: What’s that?

Kane: Tracy cheated on me.

Dave: Oh, then I have a good news.

Kane: What?

Dave: I hit her with my car.
 
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Mark: Hey dude, what’s up?

Harry: Nothing much buddy. How’s everything with you?

Mark: All good. Yesterday I went to a 7-star Hotel restaurant.

Harry: Wow, that’s amazing buddy. I missed it.

Mark: It’s not amazing.

Harry: Why, what happened?

Mark: When I was there, I really needed to pass gas.

Harry: And?

Mark: The music was really loud, so I did it.

Harry: And?

Mark: I realized I was listening to my iPod.

Harry: hahaha hahaha
 
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I visited my EX girlfriend and she gave me food.
After a few second their dog came in and started to jump over and I said “this dog loves visitors”
A child replied, “No! No! Uncle, the problem is that you are using its plate”.
 
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