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The party’s host paid me a great compliment. “You are a good-looking woman,” he said. “Honest—I’ve had only one beer.”

My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected, “Imagine how great she’ll look after two.”
 
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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
 
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Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves?
A: Buy her a diamond ring.
 
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Teacher: Why did sita go to the jungle with Ram?

Boy: If you have 3 mother in laws in the house, then jungle is a better place to be in.....
 
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Why did Parvathi Choose shiva as her Husband?

5 reasons said by student.

1. Shiva does not wear clothes since he is digambar. So no issue of washing cloths.

2.He has moon on his head so no problem of light and no issues of electicity bill payments.

3.Ganga flows from him so no shortage of water

4.Shiva eats only raw veggies so no cooking required.

5.Since he does not have parents no issues with inlaws.
 
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Teacher: Where did the word WIFE come from?

Student: Ma'am they derived it by taking the first 2 & last two alphabets from WILDLIFE.
 
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Sir, I have not linked my account to Aadhar. But still got gas subsidy.

Boss : Idiot that's not the gas subsidy. That's your increment this year.
 
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Teacher : What is the difference between Orange and Apple?

Student: Color of Orange is Orange but color of Apple is not Apple.
 
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Customer : My Mobile Bill How much?
Call Center Executive: Sir, Please dial 123 to Know your CURRENT BILL statu.
Customer: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
 
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What do you call a skeleton that is always sleeping?
A lazy bone!
 
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Why don’t we see a bat alone?
Because bats always like to hang out with their friends!
 
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What did Dracula said about her new girlfriend?
Oh, she is my love at first bite!
 
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Which race has no running?
A swimming race.
 
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Whose son was Edward, the Black Prince?
Old King Coal!
 
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Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?
Pupil: Dead?, I didn't even know he was sick!
 
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Teacher to Danny: Danny, why you are not writing?
Danny: Ma’am, I don’t has a pen
Teacher: Danny, you said a wrong sentence. The correct form is I don’t have a pen, he doesn’t have a pen and we don’t have a pen.
Danny: oh Ma’am! Who stole all the pens then?!

 
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David to Mom: Mom, I have got hundred in class test today
Mom: well done, in which?
David: I got a 40 in spelling and a 60 in reading!

 
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How many seconds do you have in a year?
Answer: 12 seconds – January 2, February 2, March 2, etc…
 
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A farmer grabbed his 10-year-old son and asked, “Did you cut down that cherry tree?”

“Yes, Daddy, I did.” – the boy replied sobbing. “I cannot tell a lie.”

The farmer grabbed the boy, put him on his knee and whaled the tar out of him.

“But, Daddy,” the boy cried, “George Washington’s father didn’t do that to him when he cut down that cherry tree when he was a boy.”

“That’s true,” the father replied, “but George Washington’s father wasn’t sitting in the tree when he cut it down!”
 
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Two boys were struggling with a huge table in a doorway. They pushed and pulled and upped it and downed it until both were exhausted.

Between gasps for air, one managed to say, “We better give up…’cause we’ll never get this table into the house.”

“Into the house?” screamed the other. “I thought we were moving it out of the house!”
 
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